I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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