Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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