It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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