dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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