He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
