He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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