he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
