She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
