If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was born a porn star she said
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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