ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
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They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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