I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
