It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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