Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
