Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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