I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
