i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
