Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
