not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
