I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
