I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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