Jerry, you need to find god
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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