I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
