I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
