You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
