I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
