Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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