rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
