I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
