well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
