and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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