Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
