I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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