Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
