no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
