I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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