I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Bring me that man meat
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
