what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
