He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
