in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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