I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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