I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize