fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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