I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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