I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
