in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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