I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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