Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
