Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
