omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
