As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
then he tried to convert me to islam
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
