Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
