you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
