He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
