the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize