I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
